


travel-stained (on our way home)

by coppertears



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, M/M, Mutual Pining, Roadtrip!AU, Romance, Unrequited Love, high school!au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-06-17
Packaged: 2018-07-14 05:45:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7155986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coppertears/pseuds/coppertears
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>baekhyun's too used to chanyeol taking him on road trips.</p>
            </blockquote>





	travel-stained (on our way home)

  
**travel-stained (on our way home)**  
chanyeol/baekhyun  
pg-13  
baekhyun’s too used to chanyeol taking him on road trips.  
w: swearing, character death  


“warm up the passenger’s seat, will you?”

the sun slashes through the open spaces between the windows and the curtains, and baekhyun tries to ignore the salty tang of sweat kissing his skin. he watches the letters marching across the pages, _catalyst_ and _equilibrium_ and _reactants_ not quite getting through to his senses, and he throws his textbook aside. chanyeol’s face meets him, a grin flicking wide and lazy over the taller boy’s lips.

“can’t we just stay put for once?” baekhyun huffs. “we already went out for a drive three days ago.”

his best friend pays him no mind and stands up, one of his hands reaching out to tug on baekhyun’s sleeve. baekhyun locks his ankles together and tries to resist, but after a few seconds he’s giving in, and chanyeol’s deep chuckle races through his veins.

“this will be a short one,” chanyeol promises as the two of them get in the car.

baekhyun rolls his eyes. “okay, chanyeol.”

it’s never going to be a short trip. baekhyun knows that, his eyes watching the twist of chanyeol’s wrist and the key glistening in the other boy’s hand. when chanyeol drives, it’s as if there is a wordless need to escape, and baekhyun puts up with it until the skies are painted blue and his cell phone’s shot dead with missed calls from his and chanyeol’s parents. then, and only then, does he demand that chanyeol turn his car around and head back home.

chanyeol looks at him now with a smile that settles warm and slow on his face. “ready?”

baekhyun lets his own laughter glide into the air between them, his seatbelt clicking into place. they’ve done this a million times, but somehow it still feels new.

“take me wherever.”

 

 

 

 

baekhyun remembers the sky bleeding on the day chanyeol shows up with a black car that’s the cleanest thing he’s ever owned. baekhyun’s got his legs draped through the spaces in between the balcony’s railings, face lifted up for a whisper of a breeze, and he almost misses chanyeol’s shouts for him to come down.

“baekhyun!” a deep voice hits him like lightning, and baekhyun glances down to find his best friend waving at him from the street below. “i want to show you something!”

a sigh drifts out of the shorter boy’s lips as he contemplates ignoring chanyeol. but then he spots the hope that dawns bright and clear on chanyeol’s face and he grumbles, detaching himself from the balcony and taking the stairs down two at a time. it’s hard to say no to someone who’s only ever known the word _yes_.

chanyeol flings the car keys in his face right before baekhyun can drawl out anything that sounds like a reproach. “i got a new baby today! join me for a spin?”

baekhyun’s not even on the way to processing chanyeol’s words when he’s pushed into the passenger’s seat and strapped in, and he’s just blinking uncomprehending eyes at the dashboard as chanyeol fills the driver’s seat. “when did this happen?” he finds the voice to say, waving lean fingers over the leather interiors. he’s been on the receiving end of chanyeol’s dreams about getting his own car for a long time, and now that it’s happening he thinks he needs to take a momentary step back.

“my dad bought it a few weeks ago apparently,” chanyeol says, maneuvering a careful path into the thick of city traffic. “he was just waiting for the right time to hand it over to me.”

baekhyun leans over and turns on the stereo, shuffling through several channels and bursts of static before he settles on his favorite radio station. chanyeol edges a glance at him but he doesn’t protest at the choice, instead tapping his fingers to a beat that drifts beneath the melodies leaking out of the speakers.

“so where are we headed?” baekhyun asks, looking out at the endless line of cars surrounding them.

chanyeol smirks. “you’ll see.”

 

 

 

 

there’s no rhyme or reason to the trips they take. often it’s on an impulse that’s been sitting heavy and insistent in the back of chanyeol’s mind, and the taller guy’s never felt hesitant about dragging baekhyun along. baekhyun thinks maybe he’s supposed to feel grateful, maybe there’s something unspoken that he’s supposed to acknowledge, but he always feels like he’s balancing himself on the wrong foot. it’s a little strange, somehow, especially when he considers that he and chanyeol have known each other for years.

they find themselves in the middle of a forest once, hemmed in by trees and animals sewn into the fold of nature, and baekhyun shrinks further into his seat. there’s still gas in the tank but chanyeol’s not moving, his lips pursed as he stares at the road stretching on ahead.

“can’t we just go straight?” baekhyun says, syllables limping out from the cage that is his throat. “with any luck, we might be able to find a way out.”

chanyeol shakes his head, dark locks painting shadows in the hollows of his face. baekhyun swallows down an inexplicable urge to brush them away. “we might get even more lost than we already are.”

baekhyun shoves his hands into his pockets. “what did you want to go into a forest for, anyway?” he can see the darkness filtering through the green and it scares him, more than just a little, and all baekhyun wants is to go home.

chanyeol shrugs. “i don’t know. i just wanted to see what it’s like.”

“why did you have to bring me with you, though?” baekhyun whines. he looks at chanyeol but the guy’s fixated on something, no answer ready and waiting for baekhyun to take. he forms fists with his fingers and thinks of heat and flames burning red, yet the cold still creeps onto his skin and lingers there.

“okay, let’s try to backtrack.” the engine revs up after a few seconds. baekhyun almost whimpers in relief when the heater’s resuscitated back to life.

“are you sure? we took so many turns,” baekhyun says. he can’t drive for shit but he’s seen the tangled network of dirt tracks cutting through the heart of the forest, and it’ll be impossible for them to figure out which way to go. “i still say we should just go straight.”

chanyeol hums in indecision. baekhyun takes out his phone and stares at the _no signal_ blinking across the top of the screen.

“okay,” his best friend says after the seconds have been stirred up for too long. “you might be right.”

baekhyun chokes on a scream of relief when, not more than twenty minutes later, he and chanyeol emerge into the highway. chanyeol bites back a celebratory grin, coasting down smooth pavements while chasing the lights leading back to the city.

his best friend murmurs something that’s too low in volume, and if his attention’s a degree less in intensity, baekhyun might have missed it.

“this is why i keep you with me.”

he doesn’t permit himself to let chanyeol know he hears it.

 

 

 

 

on summer days sticky with laziness, chanyeol hauls him out on long drives to the beach. baekhyun’s never prepared enough for these moments. he’s never given any warning -- sometimes chanyeol just barges into his room at three in the morning and guides him, half-stumbling, to the car. he’s still in his jigglypuff print pajamas that chanyeol bought for him a cut-and-dried year ago, watching a sunrise that emerges soaking from the calm blue waters.

halfway through noon baekhyun’s squeezed into his old swimming trunks because chanyeol never remembers where he keeps his new ones, grains of sand sprinkled in his hair and sunlight branded into the back of his neck. chanyeol forgets the lotion, too, but he pushes baekhyun into the sting of salty water the minute baekhyun starts to complain.

ice cream drips from their lips and licks trails of colors on their fingers, and sometimes baekhyun wonders what he’ll do when all of this ends. he’s trapped in the waves, somehow, trapped in chanyeol’s misdirection and recklessness, and he’s not always so sure that he wants to do this forever. but always, he just nods his sleep-drawn head to whatever chanyeol suggests; always, he lets himself be swept away.

the sun is dying in the west by the time they pack up, eyes bright and lips turned upwards, and this is when baekhyun’s heart beats slow. chanyeol’s lit up by fire and baekhyun, well, baekhyun just wants to slip his hand into the warmth. it’s a wish gone up in ashes long before it becomes a concrete thought, and baekhyun’s far gone in exhaustion to make it a memory.

he wakes up the next day with his skin peeling off like it never wants to stay. there, buried beneath his consciousness, is the ghost of a sensation: chanyeol’s arms wrapped around him like the deck of a ship, carrying him to his bed.

 

 

 

 

they’re always on a scavenger’s hunt for cliffs. baekhyun finds it heady, looking down at steep drops that mean the loss of a life, and he never stops wondering what it feels like. when chanyeol ruffles his hair he thinks he may have a clue, but he doesn’t know for certain.

unpredictable nights find them with their bodies strung out on craggy rock and bits of grass, eyes trained on the soft blanket of stars unrolled above them. they count and trace, baekhyun’s husky tone in harmony with chanyeol’s deep one, and baekhyun thinks, _why_?

chanyeol’s always been less than half a breath away, but baekhyun’s never tried to close that distance.

“11:11,” chanyeol murmurs, the neon yellow of his watch making his chest glow. “make a wish, baek.”

and baekhyun closes his eyes, his wish dry and aching and unspoken on his lips. because he knows, he knows that if he just rolls over and takes the chance, he can make it come true the way that shooting stars can’t. he pretends that between him and chanyeol is a mountain that won’t ever move, praying that his desires will become echoes riding on winds eager to steal them.

on the ride back, his fingers dig _i love you_ too hard into the skin of his palms, and baekhyun wishes that chanyeol’s eyes were trained on him instead.

 

 

 

 

when school slices into their daily lives, baekhyun doesn’t know what he’s waiting for. the two of them have different majors and schedules on the verge of never intersecting, and baekhyun learns to ride the bus. he finds that he can’t spend minutes breathless in the passenger’s seat of chanyeol’s car, body primed for something that his mind’s never known, and he thinks it’ll drive him insane.

 _i haven’t seen you in so long_ , chanyeol texts him in the middle of the third week of classes. _why are you never home_? he asks on the weekend of the fourth week. _are you avoiding me_? sits lonely in baekhyun’s inbox after two months.

the calls are muffled and missed all too often, his phone ringer on silent mode and his end of the line always busy. baekhyun’s numb to the guilt.

chanyeol catches him on a wednesday just before the bus is about to come, and baekhyun nearly melts into tears when the familiarity of sitting in the passenger’s seat hits him. the feeling is raw, scraping against his chest, and there is just no escape.

the entire drive to university is quiet, neither of them knowing what to say. they’re back to being kids on the opposite ends of the playground, unable to approach each other, and baekhyun doesn’t know how to become chanyeol’s friend again.

he thinks it’s impossible, especially when he’s fallen in love with the taller guy.

chanyeol stops the car in front of the music building, tension working its way through the lines of his face. “i don’t know where my best friend is.”

baekhyun says nothing, and he can almost feel the fissures forming within his resolve.

chanyeol turns to him then, smile soft and all wrong, and baekhyun doesn’t know how to change that. he doesn’t know, he doesn’t know. “if you find him, please tell him i still care.”

baekhyun breathes in and nods his head, falling out of the car once chanyeol unlocks the doors.

“goodbye, baekhyun.”

somehow it sounds like something more.

 

 

 

 

 _i’m going somewhere on sunday_ , chanyeol texts him. _do you want to come_?

the message blinks at him throughout the entire day, twisting him to pieces. it’s almost as if it’s the last thread holding them together before they both break. baekhyun wants to be selfish and save himself this time.

he leaves it open and unanswered.  


 

 

 

there is a time when chanyeol takes him to a park in wide-awake daylight, picnic blanket hanging over one shoulder and chinese take-out boxes in his hands. baekhyun remembers amusement curling into a corner of his chest like a sleepy kitten, contentedly cramming his cheeks with dimsum. chanyeol’s limbs are all over the place as usual, his deep voice insinuating itself into the little pockets of silence around them.

“thanks, baek,” chanyeol says to him at the end of the day, radiating happiness as he drives past stoplights.

“for what?” baekhyun asks. “i should be the one thanking you.” he lets music wash over him, closing his eyes and absorbing the pretty lyrics.

“i’m thanking you for always putting up with me,” chanyeol says. “i know it’s hard.” his chuckle sounds a bit wistful and maybe, maybe just a bit apologetic.

“i’ll put up with you forever, yeol.”

 

 

 

 

looking back now, baekhyun thinks chanyeol’s never asked him to make that promise. but he had, and he’d made chanyeol hope, and he’d made himself hope as well.

he wonders why people don’t sink when they’re filled to the brim with sadness.

 

 

 

 

it’s november when baekhyun finds the courage to visit their favorite cliff. he does it alone, mind wandering down the times he’d come here with chanyeol, and his heart throbs with pain. it’s a fresh wound that’s nowhere near healing, really, and baekhyun’s learning to live with it.

flashing lights and sirens wailing stumble straight into the barriers of his mind, and it makes him drop down on his knees. there is no safe harbor here. he’s known this all along, but somehow he’s tricked himself into believing that it will dull the ache of denial.

how do you deal with the pain of losing someone? how do you let the wound close up, how do you recover, how do you stop the tears? how do you let go of someone you’ve loved for so long?

baekhyun wants an answer, and it’s not here. it’s with chanyeol, always with chanyeol, and if regret hasn’t crushed him already, then he wonders what will. all of chanyeol’s texts speed through his thoughts, crashing and burning and hurting him anew, and baekhyun doesn’t know he’s crying until his lungs scream for air.

dusk trails over the skies when he stands, body too shaken to hold itself up. a puppet on snapped strings without anyone to carry him home.

baekhyun looks at the drop one last time -- at the promise of forever sitting at the bottom of the fall. then he dusts off the dirt clinging to his black suit and turns around, still light years away from feeling all right.

he wants to see his best friend one last time before they lower him to the ground.

 

 

 

 

_he doesn’t know what makes him pick up chanyeol’s call this time, on a sunday night when he’s aware that chanyeol’s lost in another place without him. “hello?”_

_he hears shouts and chaos and a fragmented breath. then a deep voice whispers soft and breaking into the line: “baekhyun, i love you.”_

_“chanyeol?” he’s scared, baekhyun’s scared, and he doesn’t know why._

_“take care, okay?” his best friend continues, sounding like speaking is so, so difficult. “don’t...don’t miss me too much.”_

_“chanyeol, what are you saying?” tears are painted hot down baekhyun’s cheeks. “chanyeol, i love you, i don’t understand. where are you?”_

_a chuckle resonates then a choked cough. “see you, baek.”_

_the line’s dead._

_and later, later when he’s at the hospital and chanyeol’s beyond help, later when a shroud is pulled over chanyeol’s body, baekhyun understands why._

_it doesn’t make anything hurt less._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
